too many choices

If you were shopping for shampoo this morning at the Edgewood Shopping District® Kroger, I apologize, because I stalled out this morning in front of the hair care section, and stayed there for fifteen minutes, and probably prevented you from accessing any of the stuff you wanted.

I was there to get some hair spray. The hair spray I was looking for was was not some elaborate, exotic French hair spray from the research laboratories of Vidal Sassoon. I basically wanted some cheap, generic, no-frills hair spray that would keep my luscious locks from blowing away in the strong winds we've had here lately.

And it took me fifteen minutes to find it. I found Dove Advanced Care Sheer Moisture Replenishing Mist™. I found Superstar Queen for a Day Thickening Spray™. I found L'Oreal Full Of It Upright Volumizing Foam Spray™. I looked and looked and looked and there was nothing that just said, "Just Some Basic Hair Spray That Will Basically Help Your Hair Not Look Like A Bird's Nest When You Go Outside At Lunch."

After fifteen minutes, I found it. Very bottom row, down by my shoes (of course!). White Rain Extra Hold™. Pre-tax price: $1.03. I claimed it and resumed my shopping.

Unfortunately I had to pick up some toothpaste next. Don't even get me started on the toothpaste issue!

Yes, this is a silly, shallow rant. I know But I have reached the end of my enthusiasm for the endless cycle of product improvement. I'm all up for helpful options, but at some point, it becomes irritating. Does anyone understand or appreciate the difference between Colgate Luminous Crystal Clean Mint and Colgate Total Clean Mint Paste? (Colgate's product line is so complicated that they devote a whole page of their website to helping consumers choose a toothpaste. My inquiry for the Colgate marketing team: Is this truly helpful or useful to anyone?)

Attention marketers: My dollars and my loyalty are up for grabs. They will go to a brand that streamlines their offerings and simplifies my choices.