Friday, March 19, 2010

the restlessness

I've been feeling extraordinarily restless with my life this year. There have been plenty of colorful adventures and interesting twists (many of which would make juicy journal entries in this space if I was still into "confessional blogging") — yet I am still feeling frustrated, cooped up, short-tempered.

Life is good, life is sunny, life is generally in alignment with my values. Yet I feel hungry for some kind of great journey. A change of scenery. New sights. Something to clear the eye, clear the mind.

I've spent several weeks trying to talk myself out of it. "You shouldn't be burned out. People would kill to have the life you have! Your good friends, your satisfying work, your peaceful oasis of an apartment..." Funny how that never seems to work, isn't it?

What does one do when one reaches this point of burnout? Sell everything and move to Brazil? Take up a villa in the Mediterranean, and hide out until the money expires? Add a sprinkle of red pepper to the pasta sauce?

I came across this quote last night in a lovely book I checked out from the library. The book is called A Woman's Path — it's a collection of "spiritual writing" about women's journeys across the world. This really spoke to me:

"My desire to slip away from the stories and the choices we make to secure our identity in everyday life has borne fruit again and again. To go on a pilgrimage, I discovered, you do not need to know what you are looking for, only that you are looking for something, and need urgently to find it. It is the urgency that does the work, a readiness to receive that finds the answers." — Janine Pommy Vega

Those words resonate with me so deeply at this point that my eyes fill with tears just reading them. I'm telling the universe that I am ready. I hope it is listening.

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1 Comments:

  • I hope it is listening, too. (Also, I will confess here that I miss you, and that it was a treat it was to happen to type your url into my browser today and to find brand new words from you.)

    By Blogger Jessamyn, at 1:06 PM  

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